one thing i can not get past is the thought that this pregnancy was not "meant to be."
i worry maybe i will die at 35 and leave three young boys, rather than one school-aged son.
or that V will die early leaving our sons with no father.
i worry one of the twins will have some debilitating illness.
i know it must seem crazy if you have not been in this situation, but doesn't it seems that if it was meant to be, it would have happened? that there is some reason i could not get pregnant on my own? some reason my eggs would not fertilize on their own?
as i read through the journeys of other infertiles who are now pregnant, i sense similar feeling in many of them. every symptom/cramp/twinge/pain is overanalyzed. we call the OB office all. the. time. not many women seem at peace after conceiving via IVF, at least not as i did with M.
hopefully all these feelings will vanish when i hold my three babies together for the first time.
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