31 weeks

who knew it would come so fast. 32 weeks is my goal. (after my 25 week goal.) and this pregnancy has been a lot tougher than my first. and one baby having a cyst, coupled with my gut feeling that something is wrong, i need a little support. i think the fact that i am about 15 pounds underweight for my gestational age is a big factor but i can not gain the weight. i actually just ate two eggs benedict with extra ham. after my fruit and cereal breakfast. anyway...

what has been most tough about this pregnancy, is V. this morning my hairdryer caused the power in our bedroom to go out because the heater was also on. this was maybe the 30th time, and yes, i should learn to check, but after blowing my hair dry for 20 years with no problem it is hard to remember.

so i was cursing it and our apartment.

and V says: what's wrong with you today.

i pretended he was talking about how tough i was with sweet M when he refused to get dressed and steered the conversation elsewhere but come on. i am the one stuck indoors because of the cold with an antsy three year old ALL FUCKING DAY EVERY DAY.

and i have been extremely uncomfortable for a few weeks now. i have not been sleeping very well. it is hard for me to walk too much because of pubic pressure/pain. i am thoroughly exhausted all the time. my back is so sore in the midsection because of stretching. there is actually raw chafing between my boobs and my belly.

add to that sweet M's recent behavior and you have one spent mama. (he has not been listening and i have been extra firm with him...1..2..3.. and taking his toy/stopping his activity when he doesn't listen. it is tough to keep your calm when you are exhausted and your 3 year old is screaming so i have been snapping at him a little which adds guilt to my list of complaints.) and yes i know he is a bit bored with the weather induced cabin fever this year, but i have still been hoofing it all over boston to museums and playdates and playgrounds (when weather is anywhere near mild). and i know he is just three but you can not give them an inch or all your prior hard work is over....

any way, you think V could offer to put M to bed once in a while. or give him his bath. or rub my back without me begging. or let me sleep in an extra half hour. anything. but no. he has this unsympathetic attitide that "millions of women are pregnant and deal every day." and i have my own attitude: fuck off.

just a vent today i guess. i still feel blessed to be warming our apartment for our new addition.