full term with twins.

i never thought i would make it here. but tomorrow i will be 37 weeks pregnant. with two seemingly healthy baby boys. who are already out of preemie weight.

besides people telling me i do not look pregnant with twins and asking how i did it (i eat and eat and eat and eat. i worked hard to get here and did not try to gain little weight so i find the question a bit offensive) everyone wants to know "what are you going to do?"

well, i am going to be over the moon. i am going to cry (i almost do just thinking about meeting these two new babies). i am going to thank god and the universe every day for giving me more children. i am going to remember forever the journey that got me here. i am going to pray for the healing of my emotional scars and my marriage and our health and the health of our children. i am going to pursuade V to donate our frozen embryos to another couple. i am going to be a stronger mother. a more grateful person. a more guarded person. i am going to wonder forever why these children were not "meant to be" and if we forced them into this existence. and i am going to live every minute for them.

i know the asker is wondering if we have two cribs or if we will be leaving the city or whether we know what we are in for or if we will be hiring help. and i know that and i answer appropriately. do i know the answers to these questions? no. it is hard to worry about the small things right now when i am feeling so overwhelmed with happiness. i truly feel blessed.

april 9 is our actual due date. april 10 marks three years to the first cycle day 1 that we started trying for another child. sweet M was not even 6 months old, but knowing how hard it was to have him, we did not care if they would be too close together. he is almost 3.5 now and has been the best. thing. ever. to happen to me. and all during the worst times of my life. without him, i am pretty certain my marriage would not have survived. i am not even sure i would have made it without his cute face and ever growing personality. who knows where i would be.

for now, i am full term with twins. i am ecstatic and can not wait to meet them. for M to meet his brothers. and to put this crazy chapter behind me. i am trying to be more positive in life. i am just feeling blessed right now.