but boy am i miserable. this is physically much harder than first pregnancy, especially when i am (still) a nervous wreck. the last three nights i was certain i was beginning labor, then would freak out a bit because i do not know what "going into labor" really means...does water always break? do you have to lose the mucuous plug? what is difference between real and fake contractions? is my back pain worsening?
and part of me just wants them to be born, even if still a week or two earlier than ideal, because i know they are alive and kicking (literally). and they both weighed in at over 5 lbs. 10 days ago, so i imagine they are nearing 6 lbs, which makes them much stronger.
just not tonight, because V is still out of town.
i can not believe this is really happening. my heart, although still sore and forever changed from this journey, could not be happier right now. as i snuggle with sweet M before bed or in the mornings, or watch him play at the playground or in school, i feel like the luckiest woman in the whole universe that i get to do it again. times two. thankfully my most recent tears have been joyous, very unlike where i was one year ago.
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