a cure for IF?

so dr. phil has finally done a segment on women TTC. it may have something to do with the few emails i sent in via his website suggesting IF as topic--yes, i am a loser. do you think he can cure it??

i had to click it off after the first story when dr. phil praised the husband for "being a trooper" for enduring a reverse vasectomy and a whopping three IUIs--over TWO YEARS. and he keeps refering to the wife as "obsessed" (a term she actually used herself to describe her feelings) because she wants to try IVF.

does any man understand? or anyone who can not conceive naturally? it is not about wanting a red BMW so badly that you would do anything to drive one: take a second mortgage, go into financial ruin, lose a spouse. this is about the greatest gift on earth, bringing a child into the world, creating a family. a supposedly natural gift. a gift you take with your partner in life, your soul mate.

poor woman was all teary and kept saying "it is not fair" and i was brought back to people telling me "well life is not fair." what a shitty fucking answer that is.

if this man is a trooper then what is V? he endured 9 IUIs and 2 IVFs. is he super-trooper? definitely not. but what about me? i endured the same, plus the hundreds of monitoring appointments, transvaginal u/s, pills and injections. i am the one whose body does not work how it is supposed to. we just wanted a family. like many other couples who can't get there the usual way. we are not troppers, we are just determined.

my feelings on the subject of infertility are still so raw. i am fearful for the first person who tells me "see, you just had to be patient" for i will not be responsible for my response. i am still mad at people who relate IVF with the octomom. i still harbor anger at my mother in law for (unsolicited) suggesting it was time to stop trying and focus on my son. i am still resentful to V for not being more supportive and open during my two+ years of hell. i still get angry at the neighborhood women who plan when to have #2 or #3. pregnant strangers still make me upset. being pregnant myself is still not enough to cure me of infertility and the damage done to my heart, my body, my relationship with V.

another blogger recently had a BFP and suggested that people stop reading if they are jealous/sad/upset etc. she seems to realize that IF does not go away when you get your two positive betas. i am 9 weeks, 5 days pregnant and am still--constantly--wondering if the babies are alive or if we lost one. i am anxious and nervous for my next ultrasound on monday. i take me last PIO tonight and am scared--literally--that i will lose this pregnancy as i have been drugging almost continuously since april with the first IVF. this is not how my first pegnancy was. i was carefree and happy. this time i am guarded and worried. i will forever feel the efects of this hellish journey.