i do not expect my friends to fully comprehend what it is like to deal with infertility. i am sure i have caused many to roll their eyes and i blubbered about my struggles and how it is not fair and how mad i was. and many told me "at least you have M" a statement that i personally never took much comfort in.
unexpected phone calls or email were answered/opened with hesitation as i was always certain they contained pregnancy announcements. friends i have not spoken to in over a decade, since college, would cause panic/jealousy/anger/tears etc. when they announced on facebook.
if you deal with this sort of struggle, you know what i am talking about.
but there is one thing worse than the pregnant friend. the infertile friend.
one of my dear friends called me in march or april. from her office. middle of afternoon. i just knew she was pregnant as i answered the phone. and when i heard her say "p and i got pregnant..." my heart broke in jealousy. i was lucky that her wedding fell during one of my many two week waits in early 2008. it was just a year later and almost two years since we were trying ourelves for #2. it just wasn't fair.
when she continued with "..but we had a miscarriage" my heart then broke for her. i knew she had started trying in december and that she met her GYN for a "pre-conception" meeting (at which i had a good giggle).
we talked again a few nights ago and she said they have trying again, and nothing. she is discouraged and upset and impatient and everything i have felt before. and she is sorry to talk to me when i struggled harder and longer. but i am happy to let her talk and ask and be upset and discouraged and impatient because i never had that. and i do not want her to go through this. and especially not alone. and i hope that she gets pregnant this month and deliver a baby next spring. and i wish no one had to do this. and i wish i never had to go through it.
but i am so glad she is my friend because she would listen and not understand. and i hope i can listen and understand for her.
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