no support

i think my husband still doesn't understand the true hell i experienced in the last couple of years. seriously. although i am - finally - getting excited about babies and pregnancy etc. i still hurt and am still nervous and still can cry at the drop of a hat.

for example, last night he left his email up and i saw one from his mother with subject "cribs." so i opened it, even though i shouldn't have, but why are they discussing cribs? she was asking "where are those bunk bed cribs?" (i found the silliest contraption, literally bunk bed cribs, that i sent to V in humor and can not imagine anyone buying for their children. why he sent it to her in the first place is beyond me.)

i do not need or even want her buying anything for these babies. harsh? yes. but to refresh the memory, this is the woman who completely unsolicited, suggested that i (in brief) stop trying and focus on raising M -- a day after our first IVF yielded zero fertilization. via email, no less. after the only time i actually shared part of this journey with her.

what did V do? as usual, nothing. and yesterday when i told him to tell her to stop looking at bunk-bed cribs and that she seemed pretty excited for someone who simply told us to stop trying, he was like "huh? duh? i don't remember her saying that."

it is bullshit. i am so sick of it. his mother is intrusive and ignorant yet she does nothing wrong in Vs eyes. if my mother had said that, i would have exploded. if it was hurtful to V i would have gotten angry and told her it was wrong and to apoligize. V? no, he forgot she said it and at the time said she didn't actually mean what she said. even though it was the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said at pretty much the most raw time in my life, he was like "la, la, la, mommy, mommy".

so what do i do? nothing. well actually, i ignore her comments and try to let everything in one ear and out the other. i keep a blog about M for friends and family and besides the fact that she asks about once a month for the address (save it in your email or favorites, duh) she send sme a stooopid email comment after every. single. post. and i do about 5 a week and i just ignore them. and she refers to M as "our baby" and the twins as "our babies" which for some reason infuriates me. YOU TOLD ME TO STOP TRYING SO THEY ARE DEFINITELY NOT YOUR BABIES.

god it makes me so angry that he never sticks up for me. she comments on his food, on school, ON MY DECISION NOT TO BREASTFEED just a few hours after giving birth. she even bought a big bro to be book that has a whole page devoted to breastfeeding. but V nevers hears any of it.

maybe i harp too long on this shit, but if V stuck up for me once in a blue moon, i might not take it so badly. even if he agreed with me once in a while instead of feigning loss of memory or deafness.

oh well, thank you for the vent blog.

and to all future brides: never marry a mama's boy. you will never come first.