WTFX2

so i had 2 WTFs yesterday.

WTF#1. my doctor called at 9:45. he was not returning my call, he called first. i was happy about this. he said more of the same, but was encouraging/caring/hopeful. he really made me feel better.

he said this busted cycle would be used as diagnostic cycle, they now assume there is problem with receptors on eggs, although they are not ever sure why eggs don't fertilize. he thinks we can/will achieve success with ICSI, and asked that i not give up.

he did say we would need to take a cycle off. i asked if possible to get on with the BCP next period as i have opportunity to get back to work in september and he actually considered (or pretended to) as i did not start the progesterone this cycle (for whatever that matters, i do not know).

so anyway, i am feeling ok today. each day healing a bit more from this cycle, but i cry/sob/tear up when i think of how my body is preventing this. how i can not provide V with the family we dreamed of and how M may never have a sibling. i can not help but picture an egg with a thick shell, not opening up/letting anyone in and think that is sometimes how i am as a person and maybe that is why my eggs are hostile.

but on to WTF#2. my MIL.

first, V's family knows we are having troble getting PG and seeking assistance, but not much else. well, we invited his folks down for a visit and they sat with M while we went for retrieval. we had to tell them i was having minor procedure/surgery. later she asked what and i told her, vaguely. she then asked how much she could tell the rest of the family (why she would want to do this is beyond me, but whatever).

i told her best to let V handle with his own siblings. she pushed a little saying everyone would wonder why they rushed down (we asked on thursday) but i was pretty firm she should not say anything.

(also, know that if V asked them to drive into a brick wall, they would.)

so yesterday i sent a thank-you-for-helping email, reiterating. this is what i wrote:

"thank you again for coming down. it made me much more relaxed able to have V there with me. we did not get good news yesterday so we will likley not spread news about this with rest of family (as you asked about).
the flowers are more gorgeous today, so at least i have something else beautiful to enjoy!"

her reply:

"i am sorry to hear you had bad news. i don't know what to say. for you and V have tried so hard and so much, as hard as it is to say it, please let it go and as we know you will, give all the love and careing you have to M. he is so precious. he is truly a gift from god......."

OK.

1. she would have NO idea what the bad news could/would be and definitely NO idea how long/hard we have been trying.

2. if you don't have something nice to say, don't!

3. careing does not have an "e."

4. and why the "please?" is she actually begging us to "let it go"?

i am beyond pissed/upset/disgusted.

in full disclosure, she did send a message a bit later saying maybe she said something she shouldn't have. fine, whatever.

thank you for letting me vent. (can't talk about with V bc any negative discussion about his parents ingnites HUGE arguments bc he will never admit they were wrong/hurtful etc. bc they are perfect.)