sad.

as i sip through my last glass of wine, with M and V asleep and both softly snoring, after a(nother) rainy, chilly yet beautiful day spent enjoying each other on father's day/our 6th anniversary, i can not help but be sad. on such a special day.

i saw a completely stupid show on TLC today called something like "i didn't know i was pregnant" with this pretty large gal with PCOS who did not think she could get pregnant and thought the weight gain was from being depressed about unemployment and ultimately was given an enema for stomach pain and actually plopped a baby instead of a poop in the toilet.
i can't even get aggravated at this anymore. i am just sad.

i saw a family of 6 today, fighting their umbrellas and double stroller against the blustery rain. there were 5 girls probably 10 and under, and a baby boy. i assumed outloud to V that they kept having kids until they had a boy. who really knows, maybe they'll have more.
and this made me sad too.

sweet M tore through a photo album from last summer/fall and i was shocked by how much he's grown. he still looked a bit like a baby back then, not the little boy that he is right now. he had baby hair, and hands, and cheeks. he would still fall asleep in my arms.
this made me really sad.

i start lupron on wednesday, and take my last BCP next sunday.

please let this be the cycle that ends this sadness.