birth control pills? really??

i have to take 4.5 weeks of BCPs to try to get pregnant. seriously? it feels ridiculous to swallow birth control pills when you desperately want a baby even though i know why. when i opened the pack, i was briefly reminded of a past life when i used to pop these little pills religiously to prevent a baby. 'oh what a horror' i used to think of having a baby in my twenties...

anyway, i have to take them for 4.5 weeks instead of the usual 2-3 not because i need the extra suppression, but because it works into the clinic's calendar that way. this is bullshit to me.

it is all bullshit. i think i am a good mother. V is a great/incredible father. M is such a happy boy. and active and precious and loving and smart and healthy. he has never been hungry or cold or lonely. i truly believe we have so much to give a child. we both have large/doting/generous families. we all have so much love to give. we have enough money to cover the basics. and more. our children would not feel the burden of student loans after college. or grad school. we love to travel. we love to play. i think i may have a thousand ideas for birthday cakes. and rainy day games. and crafts. and so much more.