i am scared of IVF

even after 26 failed cycles, i still convince myself that i am pregnant every time.

i do this because i am scared of losing hope. although trying naturally/with pills/injectibles/IUIs have brought no success, there has always been IVF to try as our last resort.

dr. nyc did not think we would need IVF as we have gotten pregnant before so we went through 6 IUIs with different meds/dosages with him.

dr. boston is a bit dictated by the insurance company protocol* of trying 3 IUIs and then moving to IVF. no questions asked.

so here we go. i took my first birth control pill this morning and am awaiting the nurse to call back with my timeline/calendar.

i am so very scared this will not work, yet so hopeful it will. i can not believe i am here, using our last resort to try to get pregnant.

*very thankfully, we are covered by insurance in massachusetts for up to three IUIs and three IVF cycles so i can not complain too much. but i will say the level of service is much different. i met with my doctor at every visit in nyc. we discussed every failed cycle and plotted out a course for the next. he truly seemed sad when he brought up the 'next step is IVF' talk and too bad it was just before we moved to mass so we just did one last IUI. here in mass, i met my doctor at the consultation visit, the 'next step is IVF' appointment at at one ultrasound (of several dozen). the doctor on duty sees you for the monitoring appointments and a nurse(?) performs the IUI. i am not very impressed with this clinic, but it is at one of nation's best hospitals and i will stick it out as the end of this journey is nearing.